This is part of my series 100 Days: Waiting for a Rainbow.
The days are counting down, friends. Four days and some change. It still doesn’t quite feel real yet, to be honest. I’m not sure what will make it real. Putting the car seat in the car? The early morning drive to the hospital? The spinal administered by a stranger in a creepy face mask? If the house full of bottles and diapers and sleepers hasn’t made it real, what will it take?
My thoughts are scattered today, as a million things swirl in my head.
They all come back to one thing – four more days.
My catalog of minor pregnancy complaints grows. I’m feeling grateful for the fact that I am “ready” (silly word to use) to have this baby. I was so anxious early on that having this baby three weeks early would cause complications, I thought I’d never get to this point. I thought I would just want to stay pregnant. It really is God’s mercy that the end of pregnancy isn’t very much fun; it gives us good cause to be ready to let go at the right moment.
While my physical body is ready to be snuggling this baby, my mind hasn’t quite wrapped itself around the idea yet. Never have I felt so unprepared to do something in my whole life. The stack of parenting books, feeding books, and sleeping books sitting on my nightstand has quite possibly left me more confused than before. I’ve never been a big fan of “winging it” or “learning as you go,” so this whole idea of being unprepared for providing even the most basic baby care has me a bit concerned.
But what can you do? When winging it is the only option, I guess you just wing it. Never no mind my jaw is clenching at the thought.
So as I’m sitting here trying to appreciate the rest and peace of my last few days without a restless infant, I’m wondering how I can make good use of my time. Somehow, cramming baby care knowledge seems useless. Hubby and I have tried to do a few pleasant things together (frozen yogurt by the lake – yes please!), but anywhere other than my recliner is feeling more and more uncomfortable by the hour. I’d love to wander the Renaissance Festival this weekend, but since the walk through my facility hallways for lunch today just about murdered my back, I’m guessing hanging out in the humidity at a fairgrounds and smelling roasted turkey legs is probably a bad idea. I’m hoping to enjoy another frozen yogurt date by the lake, and a mani-pedi so my claws don’t scar Squishy’s face. And maybe, just maybe, I can hope for a few nights of good sleep.