100 Days: Waiting for a Rainbow

100 Days. It seems like an eternity, doesn’t it? It’s about the average length of your summer vacation from school. It’s just about 3 months, plus a week or so. Right around 14 weeks, give or take. Did you know it’s 100 days to Labor Day?

I’m starting a new series here at Echoing Footsteps. A series I’m calling 100 Days.

Why my fixation on 100 Days? Well – 100 Days from now we expect to see a very precious addition to our family. That’s right, a great big Rainbow is headed our direction! I’d like to say that I can’t wait to meet Baby, a common cliché we all use on a regular basis. But the honest truth is I can wait. I can wait and wait and wait. I’m beside myself to meet this new little person, but I’d like to wait and meet him when he’s good and ready. I keep telling him that he’s not allowed to budge from his safe little spot until the doctors give him no choice.

It’s been a long road to get to these last 100 Days. Growing this little person is supposed to take me roughly 260 days, so we’re well over half way home. The last 160 days (give or take) have been bumpy – and I’m not referring to my tummy or my hips! Emotional. Exhausting. Frightening. Hungry. Sad. Joyful. Very, very confusing. In most ways, absolutely normal. In some ways, inexplicably difficult.

I’ve read a few pregnancy after loss blogs. Recently, Stillborn and Still Breathing had an excellent series where she chronicled her rainbow pregnancy. When I’m having a difficult day, I’ll pop open her blog and read back through her fears and triumphs. After spending the last two years surrounded by stories of tragedy, it was healing to read her story, complete with it’s very happy conclusion.

There is no need for me to repeat others’ well written words of affirmation and hope. Instead, I’d like to share my day-to-day of the last 100 days of my pregnancy. Some days may be nothing more than a photo of that day’s baby-type activities. Some days will be reflections on faith, either when peace like a river attends me, or sorrows like sea billows roll. Other days will give license to some of my rambling and confused thoughts and emotions as I process emerging from the world of Babyloss to the world of Rainbow Baby. Living with a foot in both worlds, I’ll be learning how to continue being a parent to William, and a mommy to this new little person at the same time. Very different children; God willing, very different circumstances.

So, if you’re feeling brave, I’d like to invite you along on this journey of my last 100 days of pregnancy. While you won’t get to feel this little squish knocking your insides about, and you’ll be lucky enough to avoid ultrasound number six-hundred-and-seventy-one, and I promise that your feet won’t swell – I’d be honored if you’d walk with me. I’m planning to photo document – so if you haven’t already, follow me on Instagram, user alszambrano.

Before I go – fast facts about the past 160 days.

  • Everything is going really well. No signs of trouble, and no expectation of problems. No obvious medical indications to raise concern. The doctors are very optimistic. In fact, I won’t even see my perinatologist again until a month before we deliver.
  • Yes, we do know what we’re having. And for now, it’s not being broadcast online. So you’ll just have to guess! (And p.s., I’m old-fashioned. I use masculine pronouns as gender neutral, since I can’t bear to call a baby It.)
  • Yes, we do have a goofy nickname. We refer to baby as Squishy. If you’ve seen Finding Nemo, you’ll remember Dori and the teeny tiny jellyfish. “I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy.” That first ultrasound looked like a jellyfish swimming around. So – Squishy it is. Hopefully baby will outgrow this nickname before he’s an adult.
  • Our due date is September 22. But don’t let that fool you – we anticipate Squishy’s arrival on Labor Day, per the doctor’s recommendations. Thus, we actually hit 100 days today!
  • I do have plans for the nursery. And I haven’t done a thing. Nothing. My husband put up a ceiling light. But the room still looks like storage. I keep waiting for that infamous “nesting” phase…
  • Morning sickness? Try all-day-long mild nausea. That eventually became off-and-on-all-day mild nausea. And finally cleared around 18 weeks or so. Thank goodness, because one more cup of peppermint tea and I would have exploded.
  • Can I feel Squishy kick? Yes. Yes I can. Except when he’s hiding. He’s like a ninja. He appears, wallops me for a good hour, then vanishes. Maybe he shows up later in the day, maybe not. Ninja baby. So unsettling.
  • A name? Well…. almost. We’re still working on it.

Other questions? Fire away – I’ll answer what I can!


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