You’ve so faithfully followed my blog, and I’m so grateful for your comments and thoughts and prayers. No doubt you’ve noticed I’d abandoned my poor little corner of cyberspace. I’m sure you’d given up on even hearing from me, and to be honest I’d given up on blogging.
The simple truth is, life got hard. Really hard. Way too hard to worry about whether or not I’d posted about a meal or a book or the swirling thoughts in my head.
Life is still hard. Every. Single. Day.
As I’m wont to remind others, hard and bad are not the same thing. Life is not bad. There are many changes in my life, very good changes. Healthy, happy changes. God is working on my heart and my mind, preparing me for only He knows what, and I’m feeling challenged to get back in the blogging ring and start writing again. Here’s how this challenge came about.
I was sitting at lunch with a dear friend this week. I hadn’t seen her in a year and I was looking forward to sharing life with her. I was also apprehensive. I wonder, frequently, how much of the hard parts of my life should I share? How deep should I go with someone I catch up with once a year? I want to be real, and transparent, and honest – but I also want to be wise. There were parts of this past year I simply did not want to talk about; the dark places that keep me up at night and distract me from my work.
Before I met my friend, at the encouragement of my husband, I prayed about what God would have me share. It was incredible. Without my prompting, my girlfriend began to tell me about a situation in her sister’s life that was tearing the family apart. The situation was not identical to mine, but there were echoes of familiarity and I was able to share bits and pieces of my journey. I saw hope and encouragement cross her face, a the flame of a candle in a dark room. While I was hoping to find courge from her, she was the one who walked away changed. And because she was changed, so was I. Above all, God was glorified.
I realized that the path I’m walking is a long one, and a lonely one. This path, however, has a purpose. A purpose in my life, for my sanctification. A purpose in the lives of those around me, because of the hope to which I can point even when it feels like the world is ending.
So I’m back. To share, when I have a few spare moments, about my journey. The mundane parts, like trying for the millionth time to find an exercise routine that will finally stick. The adventurous parts, like road trips and learning new skills. The grief-stricken parts, like cemetaries and marriage counseling. The hopeful parts, the parts where you just know that at any second the sun is going to slip over the horizon and fill your world with a dazzling light.
I’m going to ease myself back into things. Starting with the Illuminate photography class from Beryl Ayn Young. Like me, this dear mommy has a little one waiting for her in heaven. She used photography to help her in the healing process, and now offers her Illuminate class for free to other babylost moms. Look for my first assignment coming soon.
In the meantime, here are a few photos I’ve snapped in the months I’ve been missing. To see more, follow me on Instagram (alszambrano).