100 Days: No Guarantees

This is part of my series 100 Days: Waiting for a Rainbow.  This isn’t what I was planning on writing about, but it’s been weighing so heavily on my mind I can’t seem to formulate thoughts about other things. Our little community faced a big tragedy this week, when a ten year old boy was … Continue reading

100 Days: When Hope Hurts, Part 2

This is part of my series 100 Days: Waiting for a Rainbow.    Those days when hope is blinding, when it really hurts, those days are rough. I feel like I’m two people, living two lives, and they’re constantly at war in my head and my heart over exactly what it is I’m feeling and … Continue reading

100 Days: When Hope Hurts

This is part of my series 100 Days: Waiting for a Rainbow.  Hope isn’t always easy. I can’t think of a better way to put it than that. It isn’t always easy. There is something about being hopeful for a much anticipated  event that leaves you feeling a bit melancholy.  Especially when you’ve been disappointed … Continue reading

100 Days: The Half Way Mark

This is part of my series 100 Days: Waiting for a Rainbow.    I’d lost track of the days. I’ve been counting weeks. I know that I’m somewhere between 8 and 7 weeks in the countdown process. Fortunately, I have a handy little app on my phone that tells me I have 71 days to … Continue reading

100 Days: The Lighter Side of Things

This is part of my series 100 Days: Waiting for a Rainbow.  One of the big drawbacks of these seemingly unending hormone shots are the cruel tricks they play on my emotions. I’ve stood in the kitchen and sobbed over a dirty counter top. I’ve yelled angry words at irresponsible drivers. I’ve written blog posts … Continue reading

100 Days: My Not-So-Crunchy Pregnancy

This is part of my series 100 Days: Waiting for a Rainbow.  When I was pregnant with William, planning my water birth at a local birthing center, overseen by midwives, my mom told me that it’s all well and good to plan, but that I should be prepared to not have everything go the way … Continue reading

100 Days: What About Faith?

This is part of my series 100 Days: Waiting for a Rainbow.  So far on this 100 Days journey, I’ve said very little about my faith. If you’ve been around a while, or browsed back through my old entries, you’ll see a lot more of it. Faith, hope, trust… they’re there, sometimes very blatantly, sometimes … Continue reading

100 Days: Amanda and the Real Baby

This is part of my series 100 Days: Waiting for a Rainbow.  The other night I sat with my husband and choked on some of the most horrific words I think I may have ever uttered. I said, the words stopping up in my mouth, “I want a real baby.” A real one. As if somehow … Continue reading

100 Days: Father’s Day

This is part of my series 100 Days: Waiting for a Rainbow.  Father’s Day. Another one of those days on the calendar I’m not quite sure how to handle. I’ve never done much, which makes me feel sad and guilty, but it seems like one of those days where none of the usual suspects apply. … Continue reading

100 Days: The Most Pregnant I’ve Ever Been

This is part of my series 100 Days: Waiting for a Rainbow.  Well, friends, we’ve hit a milestone. At some point in the past week I officially became “the most pregnant I’ve ever been.” In an odd way, it feels strikingly like my most recent birthday. We all know when we reach a certain age, … Continue reading